my testimony

When I was 15 years old, a sophomore, I found a notebook under my sister’s bed. It had only one or two journal entries. I don’t remember the details of the content, but it said something about how she had become a Christian. I remember my initial shock of her proclamation—she thought she was a Christian. All my life, I had preconceived notions that a person had to accomplish certain tasks before becoming a Christian, and Rachel certainly hadn’t completed those prerequisites. I had mistakenly believed that the only way to Heaven was to do certain things, wear certain things, and act a certain way. I had never heard of the term “relationship” or the concept of God wanting a relationship with me, and I had never understood that there should be a change in my heart and mind. Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). At this point in my life, there was no heart-change; there was no denying self. Puzzled about the journal entry, I talked to a friend about what I had found in the notebook. This conversation led me to believe that becoming a Christian was easy stuff—all I had to do was pray a prayer and I would be saved. I just had to “accept Christ.” I didn’t really understand how I could be saved—how “accepting Christ” would be enough, but I prayed that prayer anyway. Nothing changed in my life. Two years went by. I thought that MAYBE I was a Christian, but my life hadn’t really changed. I was a pretty “good kid.” I thought I believed in God, but many of my thoughts and actions didn’t really reflect Christ-like behavior. I was prideful, selfish, full of myself. By February of my senior year in high school, I had gotten to a low point, living in sin. I came to realize that I wasn’t in control of my own life. There was something a whole lot bigger than me—God. And God was in charge of my future. I became embarrassed and sorry for the dirt I had become. I remember falling to my knees in my bedroom one night, shameful and repentant, confessing my sin, my desperation for God, and asking Him into my heart. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” When I went to college, my relationship with the Lord grew more intimate. Falling back into my past sin was a constant temptation, but many people encouraged me and my Bible study leaders discipled me. And I’m sure many people prayed for me as well. I never felt complete peace until a year after Jared and I had been married. Jared and I were baptized on October 11, 2009. We pray that God would help us to “conduct [our]selves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ” (Philippians 1:27).